I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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