If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
