We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
