i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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