yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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