I love black thongs
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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