this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
