my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
