I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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