Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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