the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pants are for mortals
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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