His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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