You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
