is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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