If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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