he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I want is dick and wine.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
