in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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