i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
