Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
