swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
