I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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