she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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