is your mom at the bar?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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