I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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