I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
