hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
