there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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