I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
honey bunches of taint.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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