It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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