i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
