I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
