He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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