My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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