I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
