The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
