WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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