erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
