I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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