I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
