You work out of a Hotel?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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