Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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