you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
