Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
