sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
