You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
