nut hugger
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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