I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i believe in u and ur pee
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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