Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
