I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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