I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
