My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
